Misread

B and Lacy shuffled into the giant room of celebrities.  Both stretched, trying to fully wake themselves.  B was dressed in her jeans a black shirt, which read, “I kissed Spalding.”  Lacy wore her tattered jeans and a black shirt with Chop Top on the front and “Every girl’s fantasy” written below it.
“Hmm, I wonder where the guys from House of a 1000 Corpses are?” asked B.
Lacy shrugged then finally spotted Bill Moseley as B spotted Sid Haig.  The two pointed in opposite directions while saying, “There!”
Lacy and B looked at each other.  “Why are they in different directions?” inquired Lacy.
B blinked then shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Oh, well.  I’m gunna go get my stuff signed by Sid.”
“Well, I’ll meet you back here once you’re done.  I’m gunna go tackle Bill.”
“Don’t poke an eye out, now.”
Lacy put her hands up, her fingers forming Vash’s love and peace sign.  “I promise to be good.”
Both grinned then said, “Love and Peace!”  They laughed then walked off to visit Sid and Bill.
Lacy approached Bill’s table, trying not to break out in hysterical laughter.  She remained calm until the people cleared.  She stepped up to the table and smiled.
“Hello, how are you?” asked Bill with a grin.  “Nice shirt.”
“Thank you and I’m fine.  You?”
“Oh, I’m doing great.  Would you like something signed?”
Lacy blushed.  “Um…actually, I was wondering if you could sign my chest?”
Bill’s eyes widened as did his grin.  “Certainly!”
With a smile, she placed a small treasure chest on the table.  “Here.  Hehe…I’ve been wanting Chop Top to sign it for a while.”
Bill’s eye twitched before he uncapped his black marker.  “Who-who should I make it out to?”
“Lacy.”  She kept smiling, thrilled that she was standing before Bill Moseley.
Bill finished then asked, “Anything else?”
“Um-“ she paused to blushed more then continued, “Will you sign my booty?”
Bill froze, staring up at her.  “Excuse me?  Your…booty?”
She placed another treasure chest on the table.  “Yeah.”  Her eyes shimmered with happiness.
Bill sighed then signed the chest.  “I’m afraid to ask but…is that all?”
“Um.”  She giggled.  “How about my hooters?”
Bill slid out of his chair and collided with the floor.  His face held confusion.  “God, what have I got myself into?”
Lacy bent over the table to watch Bill.  “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…fine.”  He slowly rose to his feet to get a bird’s eye view of Lacy’s cleavage.  His eyes widened.  “Soooo…where’s those hooters?”
She revealed two brown owls.  “Here they are!”  She giggled like a Japanese schoolgirl.
Bill’s eye twitched, repeatedly.  “I hope I have a heart attack soon.”
On the other side of the room, B stood in line awaiting her turn with Sid Haig.  She remained calm until she came face to face with Sid.  She blushed while searching for her words.
Sid smiled while looking down at B.  “So, honey, what’s on your mind?”
B grinned, feeling faint.  “Um-I was, uh, wondering if you would sign…” her voice trailed off as she released a giggle.
“Well, come on honey, what is it?  I’m nothing to be flustered over.”  He smiled, enjoying her cute reaction.
“Will you sign my melons?”  B blushed.
Sid fell back in his seat.  “Why certainly, sweetie!”  He grabbed his black marker and uncapped it.  “Where on your melons would you like me to sign?”
B placed two, ripe, green melons on the table.  “Anywhere is fine!”
Sid blinked, unsure of what just happened.
“My melons are ripe and soft.  Would you like to give them a squeeze?”
Sid’s jaw collided with the table.  “Uh…no, thanks.”  He collected himself then signed the two melons.  “What’s your name?”
“Beatrice.”  She still held a smile.
Sid grinned, uneasily.  He finished signing the melons then asked, “Is that all?”
“Well…” her voice trailed off as her smile grew.

Ten minutes later, B and Lacy met up back where they had entered.  Both carried armfuls of signed items.  They smiled at each other.
“I think my face hurts from smiling so much,” said Lacy.
“Yeah, me too.  So, did you get what you wanted?”  B exited through the doors first then Lacy.
“Not everything, but close to it.  How about you?”
“Oh yeah, definitely.”  She had paused then said, “Well, let’s get this stuff into the car then come back and tackle the other stars.”
“Agreed.”
Meanwhile Bill and Sid found each other, both covered with kisses which were evident by the bright lipstick.  They stared at each then gave small laughs.  “Sid, I think I came this close to being raped.”
“You’re not the only one, Bill.”  Sid walked along, slightly hobbling from his sore leg.  “I never thought such a delicate girl could so much damage.”
“You’re telling me!  This girl damn near broke me in half, when she asked for a kiss.”
“She asked you for a kiss?”
“She asked if she could kiss me.”
“That’s the same line I got.”  Sid stopped near the door.  “I’m afraid to go out and have a cigarette.  She might be out there.”
Bill stopped.  “Oh, no.  Maybe if I dress up as Buckethead…no, she probably already knows about that.”
The two stared at each other then slowly stepped back until they were far away from the door and hiding under a covered table.  “How long do you think we can stay under here?” inquired Bill.
“Hopefully until it’s closing time.”  Sid was lying on his side, trying to relax.  He watched Bill.  “How long until closing time?”
Bill glanced down at his watch.  “Oh…five hours.”  He faked a smile.  “Ah, hell.”